Yes you sure have 'started' it Spiritwind, I don't know how peeps are reading this and if they understand what you write, but that's not important they will one day. Keep reading folks! Because that day will come when you DO get what she is writing, and it being here will spark a fire.

I have been reading what you 'started', this is about the fourth time now and my-o-my, thank you!

Here is what Naga-fireball wrote....
"My own process of moving on is more like moving down (toward gutter).. It's hard to let go of the things that hurt us -- love and family are barbed hooks and they chew right through a human heart."

Aint that the truth?

Did I mention life on the farm is an unpredictable thing? It has been raining buckets here, actually all spring, considerably different than last year, which was a bit of a drought. Of the four pregnant does, I have one who hasn't kidded before. Looks like she is going to be first, and it may be an all nighter. Of course, I made some assumptions, and they are apparently all wrong, so I'm scrambling to figure out how to make this work so everyone gets to stay dry, and Mama's Girl gets to kid with relative safety and supervision. Did I also mention I love goats? Even though they are butt heads, they are very loving and sweet. I feel happy just being around them. I probably smell kinda funny most of the time though.

On another note, I guess I will share something I came up with, simply to illustrate the power of a creative imagination. When I get triggered by emotionally charged events, I generally feel it in my body in several ways. Besides being more emotional, crying easier, upset stomach, and an ache in my heart are common symptoms. Sometimes, as the mind wanders back to whatever the upset is, it can be hard to find the off switch, to get back to a place of balance and ease, as well as clear thought. It can also be challenging to not give in to angry thoughts and words, that only compound the sense of unease, as well as feeding the overall non-beneficial energy vortex that gets created when many people feed their judgements, projections, assumptions, and blame into a single focus point.

I was having a bit of a struggle as of late, and figured I better come up with something that really works, because it is not a comfortable place to be in. And for me, just telling myself intellectually that I need to snap out of it generally doesn't work in these situations.

I admit, I had to work at it a bit. First, I accepted that I wasn't going to just continue to ignore the discomfort and unease I felt. Since this is a situation that is likely to get worse before it gets better, I determined that I did need to come up with something that was actually effective for me. What I came up with is only one of innumerable possibilities, and I would guess that each person who tries something like this would come up with something slightly different, so this is just an example. I went and laid down to quiet my thoughts and feel what my body was really trying to tell me. I made a point of breathing deeply, while visualizing the energy entering from the top of my head, and from up through the ground from the bottom up, and meeting in the heart area.

Then as I finally felt myself start to relax a little, I asked for a solution and immediately it came to me. I could see myself in a floating sphere, with me in the center. I then saw that I had what appeared to be a weapon, but it shot out love bombs instead of bullets. I was able to actually begin to feel the great love I know is there for me, at all times, and see it moving out through my heart, as if from the center of a tube torus, and charging this weapon with immense energy that would envelop each individual involved, with a totally encompassing beam of love light, that makes it impossible for them to carry on with such harmful intent. I don't know if it does anything for them, but it did make me feel better. I went a bit further and saw that it shot out a pink liquid that tastes so yummy that each person hit with these love bombs could not help but smile and laugh, and lick their fingers. I could not help but smile either, at the thought of it.

As I pondered about why this worked for me, my mind followed several lines of thought. One had to do with spirals and constructs, and how spirals in nature emerge out of an unseen center that really has no beginning, and can expand indefinitely. The Fibonacci spiral, while similar, has a beginning. I wondered if freedom, real freedom, is like spirals in nature, emerging out of a center, with no beginning, and no end. I know my thinking is strange, but I also thought about the word earth, which also spells heart, and the word death, which is actually similar, but instead of the r in heart, begins with a d, which is connected to the number four. Four makes me think of a box, a construct, something that has a beginning and an end. It was like the energy emerging from the heart area is just like the energy in nature, that has no beginning or end. It is limitless and free.

By the way, Cathryn, I didn't even know what I started! I had no idea where this was going to go. And I don't know where it will end up either : )

I've noticed you and Christine in particular have the gift of really lining up events into a good story.

My threads are shorter, more meaningless, and I've brought my own doubts and interruptions into the threads of others, ie Old Wolf's thread, we both ask questions while making statements, but it tends to be the more experienced ladies who present more of a statement/story than a question,

A story makes the argument internal, and we grow, while an argument divides us up and makes us small.

Storytelling could be thought of as life itself, a form of agriculture, rain for the seeds planted deep in the heart.

I think you know what I mean, and I'm not sure it's fair to sexualize it as I've tried, I have a grandfather who loves stories and memories too...

But I can see a huge difference between the threads with a story and threads with questions.

Blah @@

Naga, believe me, I am probably old enough to be your mother. This story has been long in the making, and my ability to tell it has changed dramatically over the years. We are all at different places and can learn from each other. That is probably the only reason I am continuing to write, is for my own process of coping, and the hope that at least something I write may give solution oriented ideas to others. This is my second Saturn return (happens between 29 - 30, and then again between 58 - 59) and the last time around I had not figured much of this out. We are all a work in progress and when it comes to the process of self reflection it looks like you are doing some good work there. Much of what I had to see in myself was hard to look at, not because I think I am a bad person, but because I just didn't have very good life skills. No sense beating myself up for not knowing what I didn't know. For most of us the dysfunction we are trying to heal goes back innumerable generations, and did not just start with this life here. I give my voice of encouragement to all who face similar life challenges. It is not easy being in this topsy turvy world.

I have been finding it difficult to write much of anything as of late. Could it be that appointment with destiny I forgot about? Anyway, here goes...

Have you ever had that feeling of inevitability about the events playing out in your life, as if you had some rendezvous with destiny you forgot to mark on your calendar? How do I even tie these seemingly different threads together? All these little trails leading into the distant past, that spread out in so many different directions? Is it even possible?

So many questions, with a shimmering mirage of images just beyond the periphery, but slowly taking shape and form. What does it all mean?

I see a blue green water world in my mind's eye, with reflected light dancing on the waters surface, sparkling, twinkling, inviting my attention. Tiamat? Person, place, or thing, or maybe all three. She once held the Tablets of Destiny, only to be reduced to rubble and dust, her water's of life gathering elsewhere.

The Emerald Tablets of Thoth. The sound eye, a weapon of mass destruction, or just energy that has been co-opted and misused? An eye that can see sound creates an interesting image on my inner screen. Would they look like scalar waves?

I also thought about what it would be like to be a geneticist, who had been experimenting for eons, not being the original creator of the various life forms abounding in the cosmos, but who had a penchant for playing God in the science lab. What would happen, if this higher order being who had went down the road of technological development, suddenly got a hair brained idea to use its own genetics, and DNA in the mix, just to see what would happen? What if, this is what actually caused the fall in consciousness.

These questions come to mind, because the bible itself even talks about the gods coming down from heaven and mating with humans. And we now know, as I had long suspected, that the memories of all that we have ever been is recorded in the literal waters of our physical bodies, and our DNA. So, if seemingly more advanced beings came here to earth, and some of them kept mating amongst themselves, we all know what happens in breeding with repeated incest. New evidence about the child Pharaoh, Tutankhamen, reveals the physical defects of such inbreeding over a period of time can become quite extreme, producing mental defects as well. But if they bred with a much less intellectually advanced being, that would give their offspring the ability to eventually evolve to a much higher level of intellectual understanding and consciousness. But it would also be a significant downturn for the already more advanced beings, as far as their subsequent offspring produced in this manner. Through selective breeding, one could develop a race of beings that progressed significantly faster than the rest, and, presumably these beings could be used by the remaining godlike beings to rule the rest.

Is this what happened? I don't know, but it is one explanation for this fall in consciousness that seems to be an enduring part of the worlds mythologies from a variety of different sources. I have been reading The Cosmic War by Joseph Farrell, and before this I read Graham Hancock's new book, Magicians of the Gods. Both of them talk about at least two cataclysmic events that occurred in the distant past, that had a tremendous impact on all life here on earth. Both talk about the importance of special stones in the stories that have endured from these ancient times.

To be continued...

Dear Spiritwind ~ continue your pondering and muse. I too see and follow a similar vein, or is it vane as in wind vane? Feeling a few chuckles arise and sharing them with you and the beauty of your soul.

She is flying with Spiritwind as I flow with gratitude for this place and all of those who post here. Hard to put to words.

Almost with each passing day now, it seems I find myself in less and less familiar territory. The past seems intent on reaching up to grab me by any means available. I've always been one to turn things around and try to look at them from different directions. In fact, I've been accused of not having a mind of my own, because of my ability to see things from so many different points of view. But seeing and agreeing are two different things.

I just find that my ability to communicate successfully with many different kinds of people to be an asset to achieving mutually beneficial goals. As I've stated before, that is what the opposition has going for it, the ability to work together regardless of different personalities and preferences. In their case, it's deferring to an agreed higher authority. For me, I would like to see people coming into alignment to achieve certain goals based on self realization of what is needed in regards to a mutually beneficial outcome for all. No coercion necessary, simply a respect and love for life in all its myriad of forms.

What does one do when ones realizes that every single time mankind shows an inkling of figuring this out, an all out effort at eliminating this threat by our self proclaimed keepers ensues?

And what does this all have to do with stones, and goats, and lost wallets? Well, nothing to do with goats really, although maybe. Because one of those lives where my people lived free and close to nature, with no construct or authority figures lording it over us, was spent herding goats, thus my love for them in this lifetime. But nowhere on this earth can one escape this reality of war. There are those whose impulse to gather in murderous groups, and spend their lives taking life in every way one can imagine, and whose very food comes from nothing but death and destruction, that roam this earth and beyond. Their true origin is unknown for certain, but their actions and goals are easy to spot.

They will always be at war, for that is all they have known from before this time began. What is the answer to this conundrum?

I read a book once, called The Cosmic Crystal Spiral by Ra Bonewitz, that had a rather profound effect on me, wherein I could truly see that we are made from the same stuff as stars. I have been fortunate over my life to have had the opportunity to learn how to communicate with consciousness and intelligence of many different types. To me, nothing is really totally inanimate. Everything is made from the elemental building blocks of life, agreeing to join together and hang out in certain patterns, held together by thought and frequency. These different patterns have different properties when they come together, that one can come to understand.

Many who would come here to this forum would already understand that many different types of minerals that appear to us as rocks and stones, are much more than they appear. Even our bodies are made up of these elemental building blocks of life, and there are very intricate and special processes that occur in the mineral kingdom right inside our very own biological body suits we all wear. Many of us have also discovered that different crystalline substances hold information, memory, and can focus, amplify, and project energy, much like we humans can. Stones throughout history have been used in a variety of different ways, from the enigma of the crystal skulls that have been found, tales of crystals being used in the time of Atlantis for both healing and destruction, to recording information and instructions for future generations in the form of symbols, otherwise know as spell-ing. In its highest form it is understood that sound and light create.

I may seem slow at building up to what I want to say on this subject, but there are deep internal processes taking place, that even to myself are not clearly understood, but are in a process of emerging. Hopefully I will be able to find the words to communicate this process, if only for my own understanding, as it continues to occur. I do know, that for some long many years now, I have heard this statement in my mind: if you go far enough into the past, you will eventually meet the future, and if you go far enough into the future, you will eventually meet the past.

The short answer is: I will dream my way into a different future than those who would wish to control my fate have in mind for me, for in truth, we are each of us the same stuff as makes us the very stars we see twinkling in the night sky. Nothing is impossible. If you can dream it, you can be it. With so much love for us all.....

To be continued.

Oh my goodness, dear Spiritwind, this touches my heart.

You phrased it so well where the bit was about "perceiving so much" that we sometimes fail to see what is best for ourselves.

Sorry for my sloppy quote.

But there was a boy with autism who wrote a blog discussing this concept. He wrote, "Dear God. Why did you give me a mind that ceases to function in the presence of other minds?"

Before reading your post I was walking from my HA across a field, tjinking, whatever "they" or evolution did to us, removed largely our ability to plan for ourselves. But at the same time, giving us the ability to see the future of others.

Iron Maiden's song put it so well,

Just by looking at your eyes
He could see the future
Penetrating right in through your mind
See the truth and see your lies
But for all his power,
He could not foresee his own demise.





It is no mystery to me that our kind struggles with suicide. Lack of personal planning ability narrows the options.

And for those with good work ethic, the military offers the chance for thrill and death that our kind crave.

Succumbing to the system's temptations , joining those we cannot "beat", we are also killing the best part of ourselves.

You are so right that those who fight for their personal freedoms are punished hardest.. Along with those seeking social reform.

Hug /bow
I'm awed by EE,
This thread is quite good.

I am having a high anxiety morning, that can only be described as a feeling of convergence, as if many thought streams, each imbued with a life of their own, are all meeting at some hidden crossroads. As if many impossible scenarios are coming up to demand payment all at once. What do you do if you have unconsciously incurred tremendous debt to the hidden puppet master(s) of the world and our reality. As if suddenly waking up in the middle of a game of Risk and realizing you haven't really made all the wrong moves, because the game was rigged from before you even agreed to play.

I normally wouldn't link back to this forum (link is after the following part I am wanting to draw attention to) but the following is part of a thread where SMS is discussing the very thing that seems uppermost on my mind these days. I'm not saying this person has all the answers, but the line of inquiry is similar to my own.

"If we go back to the Consciousness itself, it would be the only “thing” which is real or objective, while everything else would be virtual. If the consciousness could be divided into three parts, the Spirit, the Soul and the Mind, (the “holy trinity”), then anybody without one of this three components, would be incomplete and he would strive to compensate somehow the missing component. This seems to be going on with, so called, “anthropoids”, who are compensating the lack of the soul component by developing technology and merging with it?!

So, in a virtual reality, the only real staff, would be the components of the Consciousness, everything else would be fake. Therefore, in the Eastern Gnosis, our personality (the coachman from the Parable of the Coach, which I have mentioned previously) is regarded as a fake, like an artificial construct, which is similar to any computer game character. The personality would have in the virtual reality only reflections of its higher centres (the intellectual, motoric and emotional centre). In order to become real, she is supposed to develop itself, in such a way, to use those fake lower centres, in order to reach the true ones, the higher centres of the being, which would belong to the Real I. By recognising, so called, “B-influences” (the truth) a “magnetic centre” will form, which will act as a bridge from the lower or the fake centres of the personality, to the higher centres of the being, or as a bridge which leads from an artificial existence to the real existence."


"At the same time, this is a process of an individualization, where the seeker will be clear that authorities do not exist for him. He should be outside of any “containers” and established beliefs and he would be able to recognize them, as such. He would follow nobody and he would not take the followers, because, you can not individualize yourself, by following somebody. Everybody is alone on his Way of his esoteric development and responsible for each his step forward or backward and a bump on the head. Gnostic seeker may share his experience and views with others, however, he will know where, when, what and with whom he will share it. He may help the others, however, in such a way to enable others to help themselves or even better, that the others would think that they helped themselves, by themselves. He will never try to impose his views on others, subtly or openly.

(Human personalities are prone to programming and feel more safe and comfortable, when they are part of a group of like minded people, however, in such a way, they find themselves easily in a container, even if they have some noble, esoteric or spiritual aims. It does not matter which title is written on a container… “Christianity”, “Islam”, “Jehovah’s witnesses”, “Scientology”, “Rosicrucians”, “Masons”, “Castaneda”, “Flat Earth Society”, “Osho”, “Fellowship of the Cosmic Mind,” “Department for the Spirit, Mind and Soul development”, “Sugar baba”, “Lightworkers”, “Warriors against archontic forces”, “Society for liberation of the Nature from PmS”, etc…etc…; a container is a – container. They are all traps. This is easily visible from the gnostic platform; and even gnosis can be turned into a container.)

While going along the Way, there will be no prayers, as there is nobody to pray to. There will be no rituals. The gnostic “third force” (“neutralising force”) will become more visible and it will be helping in overcoming the control through dualism. A third option will be more and more often employed, beside two obvious ones, both of which would be often wrong.

At the same time, various baits will be thrown around you, by the control system, usually designed so to lead you into a new, more promising container (as you go further, the offered containers will be more and more “specialized” or “exotic”); various “credible insiders“ (they are a “delicacy”!) will be popping up, here and there, all designed to distract or derail you with their information, which will regularly consist of a nice mixture of irrelevant truths and relevant lies. The control system may engage people who are close to you, against you; or you may suddenly fall in love with a person, who, at the first glance, would look as your “soulmate”, and she/he will be saying everything what you always wanted to hear, however, it would not take long till you notice that things are getting different and something is wrong, while you are heading into different direction. (Eve Lorgen covered that pretty well in her books)… and so on… at least, you will never get bored, while distinguishing what is (B-influence), from - what is not (A-influence), in all the illusion."

http://projectavalon.net/forum4/showthr ... ost1060228" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I dont want to hijack your thread or paraphrase too much.

My life right now is generating massive massive stress, I found out the paper did not run my letter on their internet page, although it ran on paper... Reduces readership by a shitload. (Phone tried changing load to loaf..)

Then today well yesterdays paper actually, says EXTRA EXTRA EXTRA washington state made more $$$ on marijuana last year than milk wine and bread.

I project this lead poisoning scandal might hurt walla walla in terms of the wineries...
My current apt building iirc is pre 1970 and I'm guessing full of lead pipes and paint... Who knows.


You are not alone in feeling anxious. Some of you would be disappointed by the things I have prayed for. Yes, magical tjinking, but what does one say when it comes true?

The paper says washington may well lose the fruit crops because of early bloom and rot.. They deserve it for treating the immigrants so poorly.

The homeless here have better attitudes than most considering the shit they live with.

Ifeel exhausted by pouring out so much energy and anger and grief.

It is a given that things, events, will change.

Huge hugor you SW.

That's a very cool concept you quoted. I watched star wars episode 1 last night. The scene on the Millennium Falcon where Luke puts down his helmet visor, Ben tells him, "stretch out with your feelings", ie fight blind and let the Force lead.

He also says let your consciousness fade away, use your instincts.