There are so many threads here I want to respond to but feel I must write about something that is more directly affecting my life and those around me right now. And that is the non-beneficial effects of interacting with the sociopathic people that come into our lives. The truth is, some sociopaths are easy to spot and identify, but there are many different shades of this trait that manifests in a variety of different behaviors and personality characteristics. It is not always as easy to spot due to the fact that if these behaviors are demonstrated openly they cannot get the very people they prey upon to engage them in the first place. So there is deceit involved, and a very well crafted costume of civility is often feigned, sometimes with great skill. Most of the time the signs are there, but a non-sociopathic person, by their very nature, can often disregard these signs not realizing and adequately assessing what they mean. Therein lies the problem.

If you are not vindictive, spiteful, and have problems with consciously engaging in behavior intended to hurt those who you feel have wronged you in some way, then you may not even see it coming. If you have a personality that habitually extends a hand to help others who cross your path because you realize what you put out comes back to you energetically, then you will not be expecting what actually can and does happen when you reach out to someone who really is a sociopath, but masquerades as a caring empathic person who just has a lot of baggage from various traumas experienced throughout their life. Who also actively elicits sympathy from others who are caring in nature. It's not just a matter of poor life skills. I had poor life skills but I still have never engaged in seriously spiteful or vindictive behavior, not do I really understand those motivated by jealousy and envy to the point of wanting to hurt others who have what you do not.

I have such a person in my life right now who is going out of their way to create problems of such severity that they would wish all manner of harm, hurt, and adversity to come to us, and is taking direct action to make that happen. I don't feel I am jumping to conclusions here, either, since this person outlined just the very things that are happening now as part of this person's plan to make us pay. This person still reads what we post here on this forum, so I have no doubt this will be read by said person. If you truly do care about your reputation and those who still feel great sympathy towards you I would seriously re-evaluate your strategies. Have they ever actually worked for you before? Have they improved your life in any way, other than to give you a false sense of power over others?

You see, my husband and I have already experienced a great deal of adversity throughout our lives. And yet, I have a life now that, despite any hardships, I am immensely grateful for. I have no fear about the repercussions of what I put out coming back to me. I do not wish you or anyone any harm. In fact, silly me, I have worried about your well being and safety despite finding out what you harbored inside of you. There is still good in there, and every moment of every day we are making a choice. We can change our course at any time. If you found my being, my personality, to be of such a nature that it triggered in you what I subsequently discovered was there all along, it was never my intention. I am not perfect, and truly my only wish was to help relieve the sense of trauma we all knew you were experiencing, not create more. Little did I know that you are still very entrenched in behaving in a manner that continues to draw trauma into your life. I cannot help this or fix it. And I did not create it for you.

Loving someone does not mean being a doormat and letting people walk all over you. We all have a right to set boundaries for ourselves. That is practicing self love. I will not let someone threaten me in my own home, nor put me down in a manner that frankly feels quite demonic. Now, they may label it as mental illness, but I have known many people who do suffer from various forms of impairment, but still manage to not act this way. Trauma and mental health issues do not just negate viscious hurtful sustained behavior in my book. Energetically I have every right to refuse what you are putting out through energetic intentions, as well as actual actions taken. I have every right, just like mail that isn't mine, to send it back to the sender. And I do not cow tow to threats, for you are not the first to go after me in this way. You may create some additional challenge in my life, but what you didn't know is that once I get clear on the source of things I have a very long track record of being able to withstand all that is thrown at me. And, since you let the cat out of the bag, I now do know what I didn't know, and so does he. Unfortunately, I do see you as you really are now. And so will everyone else if you keep it up. Food for thought.

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1NOcy6fPWE[/youtube]

Byron Katie may be correct, but unfortunately it seems to me that aggressiveness builds up again and again. But one interesting observation in the video is that even our private thoughts reveal the actual situation. And we usually hide private hostile thoughts so that the anger builds up and we become like unexploded walking bombs. So it can be useful to express inner concerns as you have done in this thread, to put some different perspectives on the situation.

May detachment come soon Spiritwood in all ways for this dynamic is not purposeful in any way and thus will disintegrate with lack of energy for it's existence. Sending Much Love Dear Sister.....

Spiritwind wrote:The truth is, some sociopaths are easy to spot and identify, but there are many different shades of this trait that manifests in a variety of different behaviors and personality characteristics. It is not always as easy to spot due to the fact that if these behaviors are demonstrated openly they cannot get the very people they prey upon to engage them in the first place. So there is deceit involved, and a very well crafted costume of civility is often feigned, sometimes with great skill. Most of the time the signs are there, but a non-sociopathic person, by their very nature, can often disregard these signs not realizing and adequately assessing what they mean. Therein lies the problem.

Well stated. This is the typical dynamic between people of empathy (non-sociopaths) and sociopaths. This can be contrasted to the typical dynamic between two non-sociopaths, which is the most common interaction between people (and the one we are most familiar with), or the dynamic between two sociopaths, which is the rarest type of human interaction, and a very strange one.

Spiritwind wrote:If you are not vindictive, spiteful, and have problems with consciously engaging in behavior intended to hurt those who you feel have wronged you in some way, then you may not even see it coming. If you have a personality that habitually extends a hand to help others who cross your path because you realize what you put out comes back to you energetically, then you will not be expecting what actually can and does happen when you reach out to someone who really is a sociopath, but masquerades as a caring empathic person who just has a lot of baggage from various traumas experienced throughout their life. Who also actively elicits sympathy from others who are caring in nature.

Spot on. Sociopaths are very skilled at using our empathy against us.

Spiritwind wrote:I have such a person in my life right now who is going out of their way to create problems of such severity that they would wish all manner of harm, hurt, and adversity to come to us, and is taking direct action to make that happen. I don't feel I am jumping to conclusions here, either, since this person outlined just the very things that are happening now as part of this person's plan to make us pay. This person still reads what we post here on this forum, so I have no doubt this will be read by said person.

In my opinion, said person needs to be publicly exposed. I had to take this route with Bill Ryan, Atticus/Stephen, UncleZook, Shezbeth, Shadowself/Brook, Dsimon/David, Andywight, digitalindustry/Kolin Evans, GypsyWoman, 9eagle9/Warponies, and others. Due to the largely anonymous and unaccountable nature of the online forum world, it is literally crawling with sociopaths. What they fear most is being widely and publicly exposed. What renders them the least harmful is being widely and publicly exposed. What protects their future victims the most is being widely and publicly exposed.

Spiritwind wrote:Unfortunately, I do see you as you really are now. And so will everyone else if you keep it up. Food for thought.

Understandably (to non-sociopaths), your empathy gives the sociopath a chance to retreat. The really good sociopaths will know they've lost this one and leave you alone rather than risk public exposure. They will quietly refocus their energies onto easier victims. This will leave you in peace, but it also leaves the sociopath in peace to victimize others.

While I personally have chosen to "lock horns" with online sociopaths, where I have little to lose and others have much to gain, things are not so simple when the sociopath is physically present in your life. Taking the compromising peace may be the best solution in that case, depending on the complexities of the situation. I don't claim that my opinion (to publicly expose the sociopath) has great worth and should be heeded. My opinion can be wrong, so I just share it as a matter of potential interest. Caution is advised, as is careful consideration. Judging from your post, you have already done both.

Been pondering this situation deeply as while it affects Spiritwind directly it affects us all so may it be a lesson for each of us that we may rise higher and more expanded in our collective consciousness.

I have fluctuated between what Chico so aptly voiced, does one lock horns with a sociopath or walk away? Also as he points out an online exchange which is detached is distinctly different from someone who has direct access to you and your familiy's well being.

I know Spiritwind well and her inner thoughts are close to impeccable, we have shared intimately for many years and I was a welcome and gracious guest in her home. What she has consistently demonstrated to me through many trials is the ability to confront herself when something we might call negative arises. She is able to examine herself and voice concerns without shame or need to direct negativity at anyone. We almost always end up laughing which is such a great way to break apart negativity. Of course when attacked as she has been there are moments when thoughts actually see what the other person is creating for themselves, it is such a strange mixture of compassion, sorrow and still the inner voice acknowledges a certain rightness because at some base level of being the sociopath is choosing.

So my decision is to let said person know that I stand unmovable in this situation for action with intent to harm cannot go unaddressed.

I have archived over thirty emails, all went unanswered, all were threatening. Some included threats of bodily harm not only to Spiritwind but to myself and my best friend. I never shared these emails with anyone, that was because I honestly thought I was providing a service to be the recipient of so much hate and venom as it didn't affect me directly. My hope was that she would be able to get past her rage.

I am letting the person who reads this forum know that she erroneously assumed we were like her, we are not ... we've never, not once, made any nasty comments or have even spoken poorly about her. Not in these past months, not ever. What she did was to project all of her own darkness in the wrong direction. This person is loved, that doesn't change, that is immutable however what is being done is purposeful spiteful harm due to envy and jealousy which are the twin roots of evil.

We may feel heartbreak for this person however due to the vicious nature of the harm she wishes to cause (yup, said person is doing what was threatened in the emails sent to me) said person will be publicly exposed if necessary by her own words.

I stood by her for over four years, defended her from those who attacked her and this is how she has chosen to play in disregard for the gifts that life has presented her.

I stand with my friends, it is that simple.