Hello? Is this thing on?

[Blue Rising]

Hello, my old friends from so long ago. Hello, Me.

I need to sort and process, and even though I don't have time for an online life any more, I still thought to come here to do the processing. I'm in a wonderful place. I really, truly am. I am not here to whine or complain. I am in gratitude of it all.

Doesn't mean a girl can keep all the balls in the air, though, now does it?

I am teaching again. I have been for a while. That means a return to public education. With that comes as much camouflage as I can dream up. Every. Single. Day. I think I told y'all of the story about me being in Science class last year, didn't I? The teacher was asking for the 6th graders to identify which items on a list were organic. Ok, well, my mind went to the qualifier that it must be free of round up residue, for starters....No. Sigh. Organic...which things are alive and which things aren't. Ohhhh! Ok! Head out of the dreamy spirit world I'm in half the time, and into the world of public school....Right! Got it!

So...on the list....a tree. Alive! So far so good!
Flowers....Alive! Oh yeah, we got this.
Water...Alive! Wait....wait...I mean....
Teacher had to fill me in on her definition of alive then, didn't she? And that was awkward. I really just wanted to explain to her and every kid in there that water is life, water is full of consciousness, as all the elements are...and every single thing you see in every direction is alive if you define alive as conscious, because we are all Spirit vibrating low enough to be convincingly physical....

Well, shit.

[Blue Rising]

I can sometimes get used to keeping my mouth shut in that world. But then come the evenings and weekends. Well, that camouflage is shed bit by bit on the way to the car when I leave school. Which can also be problematic. Someone asked for a ride somewhere a couple of weeks ago. I really do keep to myself, but I can't really say no if someone needs help. I had to hurry and move the Tarot and Astrology books out of the way, and turn off the CD of those mantras I was listening to on the way to work...(The books were upside down for my own safety, but I couldn't risk her moving them out of the seat...)

Anyway, once a month for three straight days, I don a white robe. Not physically, but I feel it. My store is filled with fairies, mostly to my delight but also sometimes to my dismay LOL. It is also palpably Light. People remark on the "feel" of the place every day. And some mention the beacon they literally see when they get within about 1/2 mile of it.

It is an education hub. Last weekend, a girl about my daughter's age...I'm guessing 19...came in to ask me a question and ended up buying her first crystal ever. She had been reading about chakras, I think it was. So we had a little discussion that lasted the day and outlasted many other customer interruptions. She asked about astrology...and I can't even remember what all. I helped a lady who didn't understand why the energy from all crystals felt cold to her. But then she said she does feel the wires in her head buzz even if her machine isn't on. I jumped about a foot and tried not to scare her, but still managed to say, "Good Lord, don't be playing with crystals!" Cripey! She's gonna blow herself up or something. Anyway, I found her a nice chunk of earthy sandy something-or-other and she was very pleased with herself. She could then go tell the members of her family that she has a rock, too. She was probably late 20s.

There was a man...last month...who came and kneeled at my feet and brought me a gift from Merlin. Now, there's a story. Anyway, I about lost my shit, right there. Because things came flying out of me that I know for certain weren't in me to begin with.

LOL

Then there are the candles I make...and the oils...and the...just every damned thing. Everything.

The people. Good Night Nurse, people are so diverse. I NEVER know what is going to happen in my shop. NEVER.

[Blue Rising]

So this is very, very difficult. And I live in a state of ... partly confusion, I guess. I see people from every fucking background and belief system and non-belief system and...and.... some are super religious and off their rockers (no, thank you, I do not care to be washed in anyone's blood...) - and others are into magic - and lord there are lots of those cultures and traditions...some people are into aliens...some are into conspiracies...

I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA I COULD HAVE THIS MANY DIFFERENT TYPES OF CONVERSATIONS WITH PEOPLE!

And I sit in bed at night and ask the Great Unknown...who the fuck am I?

And why did I choose to live literally half my life in denial and silence and hiding...and the other half somehow getting people pointed in the right direction?

And how do I do that?

[Blue Rising]

So, I guess the deal is this. My head is spinning. I can't tell whether I'm coming or going because I'm wearing myself out. I'm trying to do two full time jobs in 40 hours a week...and the teaching job is taking many days of 12 hours. I have to pour candles and price and label and blah blah...meanwhile my weekends are spent with a very, very special soul. He's in Peru, at the moment, and that's probably why I can carve out the hour to sit here and do all this processing I'm attempting. I still do have 2 daughters and a grandbaby at home...and others I rarely see...and I can't believe what wonderful spiritual people they are...but they all require my energy still...and I just can't believe this is how it is supposed to be.

I swear I'm not whining. I'm overwhelmed, yes. And I'm exhausted, which is taking its toll, yes. I can't give any of it up, not that I can see.

I guess...I wait. My mental realm muscles (abilities) aren't as honed as I would like, so I can't quite hear or see anything clearly. I guess I wait. Because...I guess my encouragement to myself is the same encouragement I give everyone else. There's a reason for everything. Everything is always ok, it's always gonna be ok, because it always is. Universe has my back. All I have to do is breathe and be present. Even if I'm foggy in the head from being tired. Even if I don't see the path, I'm most definitely on one....what else? Oh! And I am never alone. Never. Even if I can't see, hear, or sense any help at all...it's always there. Here.

Missing you all, thank you for sharing with me for a moment. I wish I could stop by more often. I feel you I see you. <3

[Fred Steeves]

I see you.

I see you too stranger

[Spiritwind]

You have been so much on my mind lately, Blue, and have sensed how busy you are. So happy you had a moment to pop in! You have indeed been missed. Life is very strange, isn’t it?!

I used to get so ramped up with bliss driving to work many years ago, I used to imagine myself with a big loud speaker up on a roof top just sharing with everyone how wonderful it could be if we would all just look up, look around, and realize how beautiful this earth is, and how we should just all love one another. Kind of silly, really, but when I see so many people with their minds obviously elsewhere, pulled into themselves with thoughts of the past and future rather than being present, and not looking happy at all, I almost can’t help myself.

I, too, had a store about 15 years ago that was filled with fairies, crystals, and candles, and other wonderful things. So so happy for you that you are getting the opportunity to just be there, and be who you really are at least part of the time. Christine is also going to be doing something along the same lines soon, and so excited for her too. In all these cases it takes a great deal of faith to take the leap and go for it.

Much much love to you, and ginormous bears hugs too!

[Blue Rising]

Hiya, Fred. I miss our hours long figuring-it-all-out discussions lol. And looking at this and that. I don't know where I would be without the hand of friendship you offered when the people I thought were my friends offered only harsh judgment. How's the missus, are you guys having a good go at self employment? Gotta love the freedom and independence, even when it's a bit shaky ground you walk on...

Yeah, you and Phil...how's Phil? Phil, how are you, dude? Looks to me like you have a new love interest and y'all make the CUTEST couple! How do the boys like her?

Oh, Spiritwind. You are such a special one. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Even if you don't mean to give it, that's what you do lol. I didn't know you had a store like mine!?!?! That's so cool! And Christine???? Listen, we've got to do a Sunday morning thing like we used to! We have lots to catch up on!!!! I've got the next 3 Sunday mornings all to myself, so if one of them works for y'all, let's make it happen!

I don't know what's going on in the astrology...or the moon...or what the hell is going on...but I could sure use ONE night's sleep. I've tried everything in my arsenal. Last night I used my CBD oil plus L-Tryptophan ... I don't know how to top that. My body was very drugged up, naturally speaking of course, but only slept about 4 hours.

Things are just wild. You guys feeling all this?

Yes, Spiritwind, so much love left in my wake...

[Christine]

Love hearing from you. My new joke is that I need to grow twelve arms. The interesting thing I keep observing is that somehow it all gets done and always in the rite time. Miss you, we certainly need to crack time and find a time to talk soon.

[Blue Rising]

You find the best images, sweet friend. Yes, that about sums it up...

[Blue Rising]

I was sitting here just now pondering everything. The Universe...religion...my navel...just everything. It is getting cold here, so tonight it is tomato soup and grilled cheese. As organic as I can get, but I can't seem to find a tomato soup I like as well as Campbell's. Eye roll at myself. Anyway, I needed the comfort.

Specifically what I am pondering is a statement my co-teacher made today. She is very religious, Baptist if I remember correctly. Her daughter attends BYU in Utah...so she's pretty distraught...probably not so much about the school choice as the choice to convert to LDS. Anyway, the teacher is having troubles with her ex husband and she was trying to draw me into a conversation about it. I just offer a compassionate ear and "mmhmmm" a lot. Let her do her thing. And she's talking, and talking, sounding a bit to me like Charlie Brown's teacher after a while...and then she said, "that's when it happened." (me...thinking uh-oh, what did I miss? lol)

"God put a thought into my head."

Oh, for fucking crying out loud.

God put a thought into her head? Really? Sigh. People are so close, and yet so far. I would agree with that statement if she had an inkling what/who God is. But certainly not who she thinks. People just have things so twisted up.

I guess I will just go get in some water and let it all go. I miss yoga. At least I could work it all out that way.

And so it goes...