Rejection Hurts

[maggie]

I have been meeting Lynn for 5 years almost every week. I have felt it strained at times lately on my part. But I have been friendly and my intentions were to be real and true friends.

Last summer I felt something off between me and Lynn and my style of being like a child...child wise and childish just outed my feeling of something off. She finally said "Your energy is heavy". Yes, my energy has been heavy. I have been heavy and that is what I deal with. Yes, I could accept that response as mine own state reflecting.

I had a weird exchange with Lynn, MY Friend ( I thought) who included me in an email about starting a food truck business. It was because she saw a business in Aylanta "Happy Belly Food" with organic produce, grass fed beef, whole non GMO food. This is so beloved for me. This is an area we have always been mentally agreeing and coopertive with supporting. I want to be a part of this kind of business. It never occurred to me that Lynn and I might NOT work together.

When we met and I asked about being involved, she said "I don't want YOU for a partner". I felt literally pushed backwards. I felt shock.
The way I heard it hurt my feelings. I told her immediately "That hurt my feelings". She was pretty curt with a reply "I am not responsible for your feelings". No, but I have feelings. That is part of my style of being like a child. I wanted to run. It really felt like I was rejected and my basic response was to retreat.

In the next five minutes, I became sure that I wanted out of the whole situation. I quit. I resigned. The meetings are ended for me.

My sense is that people are all doing something different and that we can choose where we play. I am not interested in being with those who are mean about the deepest things that mean something to me. This was rejection impersonal but I could only feel it personally.

I believe it is the way out of being heavy. That thought is coming from my style of being a child...child wise and childish. Rejection where it hurts is just not needing to be denied. It feels very harsh. Everyone has the right to having consideration for their emotional and respectable POV even if this being a child like personality includes what looks childish. I felt this quite sacred IMO POV was dissed. It was not my too great sensitivity though that is there. So she was being vulnerable and so was I am we clashed. And I bolted. I give myself permission to run from what feels rejecting. My next step is processing (and using this is part of it) but also supporting my body sensed "Get outa town"... no fault really but clear.

"Emotional vulnerability connects you to yourself. It’s only when you give yourself permission to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to fail, to have “flaws” that you can grow.

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable to yourself – without beating the crap out of yourself in your head — you can heal, change, transform. When you buy into “the voice,” when you believe that you have to have your shit together (and why isn’t my shit together and what the hell is my problem, and you must be joking if you think you can pull that off…), you will never be able to connect with yourself long enough to get clarity about your real desires, your true purpose or the unique contribution only you can make. Because who wants listen to that voice?"

http://www.livebrazen.com/2012/10/5-sur ... d-for-you/

The sense that I can be vulneravble where the grass is greener is just as much a part of me as anything for now.

[Rob Halford]

Well, in my world there is a saying ''give respect, get respect'' and as everything else in a world of duality, there is an opposite to that too.
Whilst what she said is true, she isn't responsible for your reactions, she is responsible for how she puts something to you.
So, she wants to act like an arsehole, you aren't gonna treat her like a bunch of roses, are you?
Be thankful, she deleted herself from your life before it cost you more than hurt feelings.

[Christine]

Dearest Maggie, thank you for sharing.

Stay with the feelings just as you are. I know I can't say anything you don't already know, just want to share that I have had so many of "these" incidents in my life and have found my liberation through allowing myself to feel the depth of it all, underlying in the subconscious is a root, an unseen aspect that once encountered and felt through to its fullest will bring back a piece of you. And yes! It hurts like hell. There are deep traumas beyond the personal, these are the places I am finding my way through. In some way we all feel abandonment and betrayal, it seems to be locked into the human psyche and memory.

The last time this happen with me was after I had invested a great deal of time and energy with a dear sister in developing a website, a business plan and living project. Her rejection of me was actually an angry attack (projection of her fears) but somewhere inside me I knew that this was a key to my further liberation from a series of life involvements in which I was becoming enmeshed that really weren't for my highest evolution. Allowing the words she spoke, the projections of her fear to simply be I found so much wisdom, not only about her but about human dynamics, the unconscious psyche that is not healed ... the seeing was intense and in some manner profoundly beautiful. We remained sistars too, just going in our own orbits now.

And underneath it all was my child and her child asking for love, for the unconditional love that is fierce as well as tender. I grew up during this time and found out that my child could come out and be even more playful as so much energy came flowing back to me. The Universe Knows so much more than we can see... letting go of desires, contrivances, unhealthy partnerships ... so much flew away and what returned was greater still. The bell of freedom is ringing in my soul. A cosmic dance is running in my veins.

Love unbound ....

you are beautiful.

[Naga_Fireball]

Ouch, I can see clearly how that could hurt.
At one point, I had an uncle coming around my father in law's place. This uncle talked a lot about startups but we never seemed to act on any of these great ideas!

Well one day the uncle announces he has been melting down candles at his apartment and crafting new ones. Immediately I try giving him the idea to try molding a few fantasy candles with mushrooms, dragons, wizards: and this douche counters with "I'm not making any PAGAN candles"....

Needless to say i no longer felt obligated to take him very seriously, although he did manage to seriously harm my family.

We never printed tshirts either. My city is small but we have two different " Graze" locations and your food truck might pit them out of business if it is serious.

[Phil]

She was pretty curt with a reply "I am not responsible for your feelings". No, but I have feelings

When my (then) wife said it to me, in this way: I didn't hurt his feelings, he let his feelings get hurt. It was one of the biggest shocks in my world. Cuz ultimately, it is true.

But you have to be pretty psychopathic in that moment to actually believe it...to make it real. And the other end is you are responsible for being a victim. It's so hard to for an empathic to accept this lesson.

It’s only when you give yourself permission to be vulnerable, to make mistakes, to fail, to have “flaws” that you can grow.

This is such an awesome truth, and support for what I was trying to say in the thread I just made. I believe we don't need psychopaths or horrid evil or suffering to learn, we can still learn from loving detachment. It's really hard to do in this world of conflicting messages, most of which tell us to be emotionally attached to others' (or own, flawed) standards.

It seems to me we don't even realize how we fuel the abusive cultural values we find ourselves born into, I think these lessons are the most important to examine....our own enabling, and how we learn to lovingly detach from disempowering ideas and beliefs.

Thanks for sharing Maggie

[Eelco]

Thank you..

I have this saying I tend to live by.
Don't expect anyone to do anything. Just have no expectations.

As a result I don't get hurt much, I don't have many people I consider real live friends either.
One of my biggest peeves is those deadbeat meme's like you let yourself get hurt, I'm not responsible for your feelings. As if speaking blunt truths is something we all need to do without consideration for those that need to hear it.

Like Rob said. Be grateful as this too will serve some purpose. Not necessarily a big purpose, just a tiny insight in whom to consider friends or business partners..
Stay playful. Stay child like...

Many a child will say and hear "hurtful" truths all the time and not think twice about it.
I sometimes feel the need to interfere if I hear children tell each other what they think about each other...
That's because I overlay what they say with "adult" considerations..

With Love
Eelco

[maggie]

Thank you all !!! I am really appreciating the wisdom and the kindness in the messages. This forum is very valuable and I am grateful.

We are all navigating some very deep waters with our relationships. It is awesome out here and sucky in whirlpools and leading somewhere.

I like that phrase of Christine's, that we continue to be "Sistars in different orbits". Sistars always And the Brostars are there too. I love you! Maggie

[Rob Halford]

Thank you all !!! I am really appreciating the wisdom and the kindness in the messages. This forum is very valuable and I am grateful.

We are all navigating some very deep waters with our relationships. It is awesome out here and sucky in whirlpools and leading somewhere.

I like that phrase of Christine's, that we continue to be "Sistars in different orbits". Sistars always And the Brostars are there too. I love you! Maggie

A very useful phrase you might wanna learn to use in situations like that.
Has stood the test of time for me.
Use it for people that treat you like she did.
Fuck off.......................

[Pluto's Child]

Thank you all !!! I am really appreciating the wisdom and the kindness in the messages. This forum is very valuable and I am grateful.

We are all navigating some very deep waters with our relationships. It is awesome out here and sucky in whirlpools and leading somewhere.

I like that phrase of Christine's, that we continue to be "Sistars in different orbits". Sistars always And the Brostars are there too. I love you! Maggie

A very useful phrase you might wanna learn to use in situations like that.
Has stood the test of time for me.
Use it for people that treat you like she did.
Fuck off.......................

Blunt but true.....

There is a transaction going on at the base of this you need to be aware of & root out Maggie, it may be "childhood laws" you are trying to live up to (never possible)

[maggie]

Thank you all !!! I am really appreciating the wisdom and the kindness in the messages. This forum is very valuable and I am grateful.

We are all navigating some very deep waters with our relationships. It is awesome out here and sucky in whirlpools and leading somewhere.

I like that phrase of Christine's, that we continue to be "Sistars in different orbits". Sistars always And the Brostars are there too. I love you! Maggie

A very useful phrase you might wanna learn to use in situations like that.
Has stood the test of time for me.
Use it for people that treat you like she did.
Fuck off.......................

Blunt but true.....

There is a transaction going on at the base of this you need to be aware of & root out Maggie, it may be "childhood laws" you are trying to live up to (never possible)

YES. I want to reflect on hiring Lynn to push me beyond my own inner transactions with me.

One emphasis is that I will no longer agree to "take" what I dislike in my mundane life. Like everyone here, waking me up is my agenda. It was fitting to be with people places and things with an expire date.

One tendency is to blame. I don't feel blame for me in saying "fuck off" and how about the sign that my old learned transactions created...the sign that says "Fuck me".

I have been exploring leaving my whole life. That does not mean to me that I should stop "leaving". It means to me that I need discernment of what I value. I don't value inner projection of my merde. I value knowing what is mine and what is not. That is part of being wise.

I think we are all facing "Rejection" when we step off to follow our inner child self who is organic and real. I imagine that Lynn has been my repository for negative feedback of some inner unworthiness. In this case I did not see it coming but I hired her to give it back. That is why my trigger for rejection could ever feel that way. It was personal to me but Damn it if the world I created has anything to do with being a PERSON, I am to be responsible to never reject myself. To hang out my willing hooks of "Fuck me" (because I believe I deserve it?) leads to a spiral of hurt.

So thanks that we can ONE DAY proclaim with authority and say "Fuck off Fuck me".