Bringing Childhood Sexual Abuse out of the Closet.

[Spiritwind]

Bringing childhood sexual abuse out of the closet.

This is a topic that rarely gets discussed, except for some sensational cases of SRA (satanic ritual abuse) that many find difficult to accept as possibly real. But the run of the mill sexual abuse that occurs in childhood, by older siblings, neighbors, family friends, strangers, or sometimes even the parents themselves, is far more prevalent than most would like to think. It has touched my life personally, and a surprising number of other people I know. But no one really ever wants to talk about it. Heck, I don't even want to talk about it. But for healing to occur, it somewhere down the line has to be revealed to heal.

I'll start with a personal example, that illustrates several points I want to make. I began a relationship in my 30's with someone who I was drawn to for reasons at the time I didn't fully understand. As I look back at my pattern, I see that I was drawn to wounded, fairly severely wounded, individuals. I realize now, this was because I, myself, was severely wounded. But in this relationship, my third one of major significance in which a child was born, I sensed early on this individual's severe woundedness on a palpable level. But face to face he claimed a glorious childhood, free of problems, and basically didn't want to talk about it other than that. By this time I was on a healing journey with the intent to identify repetitive dysfunctional and non-productive patterns in myself, that I recognized came into being from my own unhealed traumas experienced in childhood. Mine was pretty much physical and emotional abuse in this lifetime that I remember. But something felt very wrong about his energy.

So wrong, in fact, that I finally had to leave him as it felt like the life force and will to live was slowly ebbing away. After some time had passed and all other efforts to get me to return were not working as he had hoped, he finally laid a bombshell on me, and told me something he said he had never confided in anyone. His dad was a Major in the Marine Corp and they moved around a lot as kids. He had an older sister and brother, and a younger brother. His mother was a nurse. Somehow, supposedly the rest of the family had no idea this was going on (which I find very hard to believe), but it turns out that his entire experience of growing up was one of sexual and physical abuse perpetrated by his father. I could get graphic, but I won't. It's fairly easy to fill in the blanks. And now I knew why he had such strong "victim" energy. And, not surprisingly, about 12 years later he died from prostrate cancer.

This next story is kind of hard to tell, because it involves one of my own children. I don't think I was ever a truly bad parent, but I surely wasn't great at times, and I was very unstable and emotionally unavailable at times. I guess you could say, I just was more involved in my own inner turmoil to be as aware as I should have been. Out of my three children, my youngest definitely got the better me. So, one day I'm standing at my grown son's kitchen counter and he tells me he has something he never shared with me before, and for some reason felt the time had arrived. It turns out that when he was a mere 6 years old, the nine year old son of the people I was staying with in a failed attempt to work things out in my relationship had evidently raped and sodomized my son, and he never told me about it. And I had no idea. It came as a complete shock and surprise. Had I been more aware at the time it occurred, I am sure I would have noticed something amiss. But I was too caught up in my own inner dramas at the time. I share this story, only to illustrate that, one, it can happen to anyone, two, it's more prevalent than you think, and three, it happens to boys, too, probably far more than anyone knows.

I have a cousin who was sexually abused by her step father and her mother refused to believe her when she tried to tell her about it. Also very common. It messed her up for a good many years. Another friend I found out after knowing for some time had been sexually abused her whole time growing up by her father who was a Boy Scout leader and well respected member of society. And her mother also refused to believe her. Another friend I met years later actually remembers going to her father place of work, some kind of government science facility, and has hazy memories of what happened to her there. Let's just say they weren't playing patty cake. And she now has severe mental health issues. And, wait for it, her mother managed to totally downplay the abuse, almost as if in her own mind she convinced herself it didn't really happen.

I have another friend, again, whose father sexually abused her in childhood. One of her earliest memories was choking on his penis and being unable to breath. And, guess what? She has mental health issues too.

And these are just a few stories to at least get the ball rolling here. There are many more. I don't expect anyone to do truth and tell, but I do feel it needs to be more out in the open, that this happens, it happens a lot, and it leaves lasting scars that can be hard to trace, especially if it happened when you were too young to remember. Or you created an alternate personality to deal with the trauma. Which is very common too.

Since many people are afraid to talk to anyone about their experiences, maybe it will help to know how very common it is. As an astrologer it has always surprised me when I used to do a reading for someone who was well dressed, drove a nice car, appeared confident and well adjusted, and watch this person start to cry when I began talking about their childhood. And, of course, these things don't just happen in childhood. Rape itself is a much bigger issue than anyone wants to talk about either. But I think I'll leave this as a place to start.

[Naga_Fireball]

Dear Spiritwind,
Gosh what a subject. And yes, it needs to be brought into the light.

My mother's mom, amazing lady whose feelings I hurt very badly a few years ago. She got pregnant in high school when she was 15 and both families probably harassed and pressured them into a premature marriage.

I'm not certain of the details, but it stands to reason that even in high school, her boyfriend had impulse control issues and got her in trouble with not much mindful effort.

My mom was the oldest of three kids. It was a situation where the dad was abusing the older two and favoring/spoiling the youngest boy. So my mom was sexually and psychologically abused, the molestation and God only knows what else, happened between age ... 8 and 13 if I recall. I don't have the details and my mother didn't even tell my dad what they were.

Dad explained once when he was drunk that mom had an aversion to giving oral intimacy. I didn't put it together then and probably shouldn't have been expected to. He also said she preferred a form of intimacy that some women don't like. According to him there was a time period where she didn't want her vagina touched either.

So in spite of his profound issues, dad started as a rescuer but was also severely wounded as a person. His oldest brother broke his neck and was rendered quadriplegic when my father was probably a sophomore or junior in high school.

That uncle actually had worse sexual issues than my father. I know that as a baby I was around a lot of fighting and violence, dad was on coke, etc. That sleazebag second cousin of mine suggested to me once that my father may have been up to no good, but I didn't feel that he was motivated by truth and was attempting to destroy my positive memories of my father.

Unfortunately my aunt and uncle neglected my cousin who is a couple years older, and according to her, my father molested her when she was 12 or so, when she was sleeping over. It was mostly touching but she claims it got pretty bad. I haven't spoken to her personally.

She was the type to engage in lots of fantasy and attention grabbing games because her parents neglected her. I think my father did Not originally intend to victimize her. It developed into an unhealthy situation because both of them were very hormonal.

It's never good to blame the child. I'm just pointing out that her parents weren't taking care of her and my dad didn't enjoy babysitting every day. Ie kids filling up the house and robbing the adults of privacy while my aunt and uncle worked, studied, partied, ignoring their only child.

Some men are drawn to people who have been ignored or who have a limited experience of sex. These guys need to figure out whether they can live with our country's rules, change them, or leave, imo. It's that simple, but unfortunately abusers almost always protect each other.

When I was 13 I had a series of minor run ins with my dad over the summer. I failed to properly interpret and judge the situation and luckily stopped him before things got crazy the 3rd incidence and told my mother about it.

Our lives got very complicated, but cps decided not to prosecute. The uncle coached me. Ugh. But, that said, I'm not sure that I'm sad that I stood up for my father. Like I said, the marriage was terrible for both of them and hormones are strange. Simply put, some folks can't live together. Even if they love each other.

The abandonment itself in the midst of sexual tension can be as damaging as having made a mistake. I think a lot of girls and women in my situation are attracted to "their fathers" i.e. men who remind them of him in some way. But society really stigmatizes that, especially when it's obvious.

So i do have to ask, how come the Oedipus concept is socially acceptable and discussed without actual shame, but not the other way around.


In times when lives were shortened by war, disease, etc, the thing we hate in another form was an evolutionary advantage. People who we call molesters in modern day were perhaps then looked at in an illuminating fashion, as teachers.

Which explains Totally why in Americawe have so many teachers fucking students, which is totally illegal and wrong. But it makes me want to laugh and cry, like the thing with the lawyer I felt some love toward, if we'd acted on those feelings, he could have lost his job, But I've known teachers who fucked minors, their students they were supposed to be protecting, and did Not lose their jobs.

At that point, daddy issues or not, it's definitely time to ask WTF USA????



The thing about your friend is so goddamn sad.
If that is what happened in my past, which I sort of doubt, it could maybe explain the asthma. But my uncle had it too, see, and he was never molested, to my knowledge.




The family would be upset that I wrote this stuff, but there you go, I coulddie tomorrow and take a lot of it to my grave, but really, is that the kind of shit we wanna take to heaven?

No it isn't, which us why hashing it out here on earth is good planning for the future of humanity. Not going to say mankind, they keep fucking it up, so let's say humanity instead.


P.s. forgot to mention we had lots of drama w the one uncle, quad, and ofc the grampa on moms side. Repeat performance of fail.

[Christine]

The imperative of the moment is that we get to the root of this ... my deepest gratitude to Spiritwind and Naga_Fireball for so courageously taking sexual abuse out of the closet, shame is a nasty piece that keeps us suppressing our real memories and projecting our shadows on the world.

Sitting here with chills running up and down my whole body, yes it happened to me too. I won't go into details as it is blatantly staring at us in our collective faces. Baseline trauma, the root of an evil seed ... and the child thus implanted will carry this through lifetime after lifetime until we root it our of our self, the rescuing of our inner being, innocence of the magic garden within.

Here we are friends as this surfaces more and more see ... look outwardly to look within for where there is truth there is always an inverse. The recovery from the uncovering are the original song lines of the innerverse. Courage - the age of heart, the long road home, walking the red road.

http://victuruslibertas.com/2017/02/fbi ... -and-more/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;



Has any child been left untouched?

[Naga_Fireball]

I appreciate the kindness. Hopefully those who did not participate directly in this discussion won't turn around during a later disagreement and use it against any of us. That of course is a real threat anytime a person shares personal information.

It is definitely worth talking about though, to keep the issue less abstract and fairytale. People share lots of articles but not really things from their own lives.

It can be tempting to question or discredit people based on their personal experiences, steering them instead toward other wounded celebrity sources instead of focusing on the work. Yet our own account, incomplete as it may begin, is the only thing we have that doesn't have to be cross checked and constantly vetted.

Group hysteria is something different entirely than personal trauma. It probably feeds off of all the tv violence people have watched and suppressed. For instance, the rioting. They are definitely working against themselves.

P.s. not everything that comes from darkness is evil.

[Sandy Clark]

Bravo Brave Beings!! Your courage and strength is honoured <3

Yes I do wonder too; if any child has been left behind?? I also know your stories, Skeletons rattle throughout many closets in my life journey from childhood on........I think the ever prevalent silence is the main reason why child/sexual abuse is rampant and continues to this day...and not because no one believes; but because most do not want to deal with their own horror by acknowleging another's. It truly is the proverbial CAN OF WORMS!! that when opened creates angst of undo proportions that permeate all encircling relationships to the core of our greatest fears, abandonment, rejection, shame, revulsion, hate, violence and on and on. Awfully powerful emotions to contend with when vulnerability is top of the list, even for those listening and or innocent!! End result: the message of 'Shut the door and shut the F**k up'!!

Screw what others think as it is more than likely the hauntings of their own skeletons rattling that they want quieted. We all avoid pain as much as possible epecially unacknowledged pain that has been caused by those who care for us...........sick as that is!!

May your healing and mine continue through the openness and energy of acceptance and love of ourselves first and foremost. Hugs

[Spiritwind]

Now that the topic has been brought out of the proverbial closet, I can add a bit more to the narrative. Thanks to everyone for contributing. I know somehow, with all that is coming out about high level pedophilia networks, this is a crucial area to understand for our collective healing. If you look at what is known about our past, it presents a fairly gruesome picture where few have really got to experience some idyllic lifetime here, free from major trauma. It has been a worldwide culture of war, with hardly a corner of the world where it has not left a mark on the psyche of humankind. I spent quite a bit of time studying what is known about early childhood development during my college years.

And I also learned that everything that is known and taught about the psychological makeup of the mind has been first developed for the purpose of control. It is true that I have had to do my own psychological archaeology, to understand myself better, but I would hesitate to hand that authority over to anyone else these days, regardless of their credentials or approval to do so by the state. But then, my views are really pretty out there, as you will see.

This next story I share is to illustrate from my own life experience something I can't prove, but feel needs to be factored into the equation, if one wants to have a deeper understanding of what is going on. You see, I feel that when we pass on, and leave our physical bodies, that the light energy that animates our bodies goes not so much somewhere else, but just is no longer tethered to the body. There could be a whole discussion on where that light energy goes, but that is not where I am going with this. I feel this shadowlands reality we are experiencing is partially the way it is, because of the shadows, the less desirable parts, energies created by thoughts and actions, actually get left behind. The concept of ghosts fits this idea quite well. The outer husk of the personality often gets left behind, perhaps is not even fully aware it no longer has a body.

So, my ex, the one I just told the story about, and I had a daughter together. I had moved across the state, but continued to work with him so he could have visits with his daughter during holidays and summer break from school. She was 5 years old by this time and in kindergarten. Without giving a lot of detail, I had sent her to visit her dad for the Christmas holiday. And I began to have an ominous feeling I could not get rid of. It started in my gut and wouldn't go away. I could literally feel the spirit of his father who had abused him hovering about, and it did not feel good. I went to extreme lengths to jump in my car and make the trip over the mountain pass in the middle of winter in a car with bald tires, and, basically, just show up. Now, I know this sounds strange, because I didn't say anything, or really do anything, other than arrive unexpectedly, and pushed my energy out into the room. I literally felt it get big and fill the room. And then, I felt she was safe once again, and I got in my car and drove home. But I firmly believe had I not acted on my gut feeling, something very bad would have happened, and because of the medications and how I knew he could sort of check out, he may not have even remembered what he did.

And this is how I feel many children have been abused. And this is why I feel we, as parents, and especially mothers, need to listen to that inner voice and fine tune that, because we have that ability. I personally feel we are surrounded by spirits, spiritual energies, and that they span from beneficial to the totally opposite extreme. And sometimes they travel through family lines. I know, just from feeling into these energies, that I have had individuals in my bloodline whose energy I find very repulsive, and who engaged in some very horrible things while in human form. And I think many of these ghost like entities who once inhabited a physical body do try to live out their desires vicariously through individuals who are in a weakened condition. And, while I'm expounding on what I think, I also feel that this has been going on for eons.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that I think that there are beings that live in the astral who literally live off the trauma energy that is created whenever a child is abused in this way. It's like a commodity. I know it sounds sick, but feel compelled to put this out there anyway, for consideration. And that brings me to the last point I want to make for now. And that is we have the ability to learn what that energy feels like, when someone is putting out that vibe, when they are thinking in that way, and actually considering following through on it. And, with a little practice, you can even feel it in a person's energy field when they have been severely abused. I've had this verified to myself several times. As far as parents who don't believe when their children tell them that something like this has happened, I don't even know what to say.

I can't change my mistakes of the past, but I can certainly learn from them. And I also feel by sharing what we know, what we have learned from these experiences can and does help others. And I share because it is up to each and every one of us to really grasp what it means to be human. It is our responsibility to wake up and see what has been happening all around us, to our children, who grow up and produce more children. It is our responsibility to protect them in every way we can. Not easy to do in this day and age where parents can feel their rights ebbing away, as the state claims more and more authority over what we can and can't do in so many areas. But I can see the huge difference in my daughter's ability to move into a place of self empowerment and self actualization because of my efforts and willingness to buck the system. Our children are worth it, and no matter what our past we can change the future as we each choose to grow into better versions of ourselves.

[Naga_Fireball]

Dear Spiritwind,

Thank you again for starting this topic.
I didn't mean to skim over or post so reactively without thinking.

Your story details the importance of an enlightened culture, the 9 yo taking miserable advantage of your son. I remember when I was a kid, people still felt weird about their kids receiving sex ed, for God's sake. It really says quite a bit imo about the families, when they object to education, at least in my experience.

I actually didn't get to take the class, because i was homeschooled that year. Interesting, right?

I hate how our society has this huge expectation that women are victims and men don't talk about receiving abuse from other men.

People make up the stupidest excuses for rape, too. They attribute all these stupid "reasons" to a senseless act of violence and self pleasure. Because society and the media portray it as being related to power, society sees rape as reasonable. That's why all those animals in college fraternities and the pigs in congress etc shouting down their female counterparts exist in places of power, because apparently in America, "powerful people are rapists".

It makes me sick. Also the trivialization of abuse against women, girls, children, at the hands of strangers and husbands & boyfriends alike, trivializes the very real and very permanent damage done to one's ability to nurture.

Honestly, the law is woefully behind on confronting sex crimes. People whine about dangerous gun owners, polluting cars etc, but sort of leave out the offensive Dicks of the world hoping they will just rape someone less powerful.

Amazing logic in USA right?

[Naga_Fireball]

P.s. the above post was not in regards to your son in terms of the bitter second half of the post.

I realize there are nice guys out there and guys who are victimized and framed.

Not all the boyfriends etc that I've tolerated were decent people. I've been in two relationships where sexual boundaries were crossed. But some men don't care about the person they are using like an appliance very much, or at all.

I feel that the mentally handicapped are punished extra and the actual psychopaths are running free with their undersized junk out.

People are very very reluctant to admit to sexual abuse, another reason to be unashamed when one asks questions.

I was treated pretty badly for asking that a few times, but you know, it's better to be safe than sorry, words can't rape and guys have a thin skin when it comes to the law vs. Whatever it is they think they've earned between other people's legs.

[Spiritwind]

I thought this was written well enough to share.

A Pediatrician Just Laid Out How to Protect Your Child From Sexual Abuse—And She’s Begging You to Listen

http://foreverymom.com/family-parenting ... ual-abuse/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Facebook post by one of her friends, who happens to be a pediatrician. The post was on something that should be of interest to ALL parents: child sexual abuse; specifically, when it happens, where it happens, and WHO victimizes our kids and how to talk to your kids about it and PREVENT it.

I was immediately moved by the excellence of this information and asked if I could re-publish it here. The author, Dr. Tobi Adeyeye Amosun, replied: PLEASE republish this. Her invaluable post is below, and I urge you moms and dads: take it to heart. Follow the good doctor’s advice and talk with your kids, too.

***

Without going into graphic details, I probably get about 1-2 kids a month in my office who have been sexually abused or molested. I will address each of the things that I mentioned above in light of the most common scenarios I’ve seen.

1. The location of an incident [of sexual abuse] is likely to be at a place where you are familiar.

Places where I’ve heard of this happening: known family members and friends are far and away the most common. Perpetrators ages ranging from young teens to adults. It is almost always a male cousin, known neighbor, friend’s older brother/cousin, babysitter, father/stepfather, uncle or mom’s boyfriend. Occasionally it is a female, but that’s rare unless she is grooming the kids to have access to someone else. Church youth group is the number two location, usually because there is less supervision. School, camp and sports are the other locations, but less likely unless there are kids allowed to be alone with teachers and coaches. Ask the schools and coaches and churches what their safety plans are to protect kids. It’s never perfect, but I feel at least they know there are aware parents and it helps keep everyone accountable.

2. Slumber parties: I wanted to address this separately because of it being a sensitive subject.

My daughter is allowed to go to a select few friends’ homes (like five families) for sleepovers. Never parents that I don’t know extremely well, which means she doesn’t get to sleep over at school friends’ homes. Never large groups of kids, where one kid being separated might not be noticed. That said, I can’t tell you how many times patients tell me the first time they were touched inappropriately or the first time they saw pornography was during a sleepover. I only get one chance to raise my kids and I’d rather be a mean parent who is no fun than have the other possibility.


3. Please use appropriate anatomical terms for body parts.

Eyes are eyes, knees are knees and penises are penises (proceed with the pearl clutching). Don’t use cutesy names or vague names like booty or wee wee or cookie or treasure. It confuses the matter in case something needs to be reported. It also destigmatizes those body parts.

4. “Safe touch” vs. “bad touch”: make sure kids know which is which.

Safe touches I usually teach are the ones that are in areas not covered by your bathing suit, like shoulders, head and feet. Safe touches are also those that make you feel calm and safe, like a hug from your mom. Bad touches are those in the areas that are covered up by underwear. They are also the ones that make you feel nervous, scared or worried. If a bigger person is touching you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, that is a bad touch. Always tell your parents or other adult about bad touches. And let kids know there should never be secrets between kids and adults and that they will NEVER get in trouble for telling someone.

5. “Stranger danger” is a fallacy.

The vast majority of the time someone who molests a child is known to the family. Beware of so-called “grooming behaviors”. This is usually from an adult male (or female) who ingratiates themselves to the child and family to lower their defenses. Usually they will try to establish a trusting relationship with the family and seek opportunities to be alone with kids. They do this so that any accusations from the child will seem made up. This has happened in almost every situation I have seen.

6. Be aware of what kids are looking at on smartphones and tablets.

Especially from their friends whose parents may not monitor things so closely. I usually tell parents at every preteen and above well check that as long as they are paying for the phone and the kid is under 18, it is their responsibility to monitor their child’s activities in social media, texting, etc. There are so many really clever ways for kids to hide their activity online and parents are almost always behind the 8 ball on this.

7. Most importantly, trust your gut.

If someone seems a little off or a little too nice to your kids, trust yourself and keep your kids out of any situations where they would be alone with that person. We have all been in situations where you just want to be polite, even when someone is giving you the heebie jeebies. There is a great book called “The Gift of Fear” that talks about people forgetting to trust their intuition in potentially dangerous situations and why there are times when you need to listen to that spirit of discernment.

I don’t lock my kids up and throw away the key, as much as I would love to protect them forever. But these are hopefully some practical tips as a mom and pediatrician to make your kids feel safe and to highlight some potentially dangerous situations. By the way, we start this conversation around 3 or 4 years old in our house.

***

Thank you SO MUCH, Dr. Amosun, for sharing this priceless insight with us!

[Naga_Fireball]

A sobering CNN investigation on nursing home abuse:

Horrific.

http://www.cnn.com/interactive/2017/02/ ... stigation/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;