What is Love?
What I am about to write about is deeply personal, and yet, I know the concepts of what I speak are universal. We all want to know, in some form or fashion (except for the true narcissist who already has figured out they are here to take, i.e. the satanic concept of do what thou wilt, without regard for whether that involves lies, subterfuge, and blatant deception, or the hurt inflicted on others) what we are really here for, the why of it all. For many that leads down the path of organized religion. Others look to science for the answers to life’s questions, and some use a more multifaceted approach that is more akin to what I consider the spiritual outlook.
And when I say spiritual, I really just mean the even scientifically understood concept that everything is energy, rotating at different speeds and with different partners, to form the building blocks of all life. You can call them elements or the elementals, and the properties they each have, and how they form bonds with each other to create the forms we see here everywhere we look. That includes all life forms, from plants, animals, aquatic life, and humans, to trees, rocks, dirt, air, and water, to name just a few. In short, biological life is formed by tiny little universes forming to create matter in the first place. Everything, really, is imbued with consciousness. And, the big kicker in all this, is that everything, so far as I have found, is able to communicate with us. I think as children we still understand this, the magical foundation of everything that is, and have it programmed out of us as we grow, on purpose. But I’ll get more into that as I go along.
I know what I just wrote above is not mainstream and is not even understandable to some. I might as well be speaking gibberish. I don’t know what to say, but I do know that my current outlook, to some extent, goes all the way back to some childhood memories that still have a powerful influence over my life. As I have stated before, life started out for me in a way that, along with the baggage I brought in with me unawares, predisposed me to some personality attributes that brought about a lot of misery. It doesn’t matter anymore who did what or why, or what my story is. What does matter is that I as I continued to refine my ability to self reflect, paying attention to my inner dialog, and opening a line of communication to understand my inner workings better, I realized that I hated myself, didn’t think I deserved to have love, or be happy. I realized I engaged in a lot of self sabotaging behaviors. As I continued to try and get a grip and find a way to make life work for me, I found myself in many situations where I continued to create what I had grown accustomed to, regardless of my conscious desire to experience something different. Problem was, my subconscious terrain was akin to a minefield, and I only seemed to go there when under duress. All I could seem to do was react in ways that were not conducive to positive change, and then feel tremendous guilt over my lack of emotional control when I later re-emerged from my dungeon of inner darkness.
In part, maybe the extreme sense of discomfort I felt within my own body is what stimulated me to be so driven to change, to put forth the effort needed to learn how to be happy. And yes, joy and happiness do go with learning how to choose love first. But I’m getting ahead of myself again. The other thing that stimulated me on this path is what I experienced that falls into the woo woo category. It started out with memories of trying to climb the walls from my crib at around 18 months to 2 years old, to memories of being taken out my bedroom window on a white horse with wings to a high mountain cliff only assessable by air. I won’t go into the whole story again, except to say that further memories have come forward that have added another layer to the experience, and made me realize I really don’t know what happened to me with any clarity. In short, in some form or fashion I was messed with, and these experiences have made me feel “different”, and “weird”, my whole life. It seems I was traumatized in these experiences and have had to heal and work through the emotional residue as part of my journey to recover a working understanding, a retrieval of sorts, of what was lost along the way. At the same time this was going on, I had a completely different level of experience that seemed to be happening simultaneous to the trauma. These memories have also stayed with my whole life, and have caused me to seek understanding as well.
It would seem to me that we have access, at all times really, to both heaven and hell, both the light and the dark. And I have retrained myself to reach for the higher plain. Even though I wake up daily with ever greater awareness of the anti life forces at work here in this shared reality, this overlaid blanket of deceit and perpetual shadowlands lurking in plain sight though mostly remaining unseen, I have found that after releasing much of the residual pockets of inflicted traumas designed to disempower and harm, I can access that higher ground with much greater ease than before. But I have had to subject myself to great feelings of discomfort. And that comes back to the effort it takes to reprogram yourself to become comfortable with normal, with stable, with kind, with loving people whom you really can trust in your life. To become comfortable with slow, to embracing challenges with faith in yourself, and trust in the goodness that is equally available in each moment, in each trial, and in each seeming error of judgement.
I know this is all just words, and nothing will ever take away from the hard work necessary that each must do on their own in their own individual way. But I am in awe, and in deep gratitude, for whatever it was that really happened to me as a child that predisposed me to taking this route in life. Whatever it was that day, standing in the driveway, embracing me in a blanket of loving energy that defies explanation and can’t be conveyed in words, that told me “you are loved, always and forever, just as you are” I cannot and don’t want to imagine what it would have been like to have not have that experience to draw from and expand on. My whole life is a testament to the power of love to transform. And it is an inside job, that has the potential to radiate out in ever expanding circles, in a way that may come quietly, but is ever more powerful than all the hate and evil in this world put together. It IS the energy of creation. It has made me want to be a better person, to keep trying when I want to quit, to keep reaching out there when I want I go and hide from the world. It is what makes it all worth while.
To me, this is my best explanation of love. It is a choice, it is a way of life you can grow into, and it doesn’t take anything but trust, faith, courage, and a willingness to be at least honest with yourself. The ego is not our enemy, it just doesn’t deserve the position of running our lives. It is too easy to be manipulated into living a life that is never going to bring satisfaction, true happiness, and the opportunity to know what love is. Love is real, it’s not an emotion, but it is reflected in what you do. And sometimes it’s just plain hard work, to stay in that place, or pick yourself up when you realize you may have taken a wrong turn. But I truly do think it’s what fuels creation itself, and there is no place I’d rather be than on the edge of the incoming wave of love in action.
I feel I have more to add to this, but for now I will just leave this here, with the hopes that someone else who maybe needs to hear these words will find them. I know as I went outside this morning I felt that presence again, that something so big, so wonderful. And I do so wish I had a magic wand sometimes to take away the pain that so many do not want to feel, that they drag around with themselves like a ball and chain. Love may hurt sometimes, but it never feels heavy. It may bring tears, but they too only water and make fertile the soil for more love to grow. Love, like water, can move mountains if you let it. It certainly has with me, and I am in awe and grateful beyond words. Aho